Long Overdue

I know I haven’t been posting as much here as I’d like to be. I could say that things like work, social life and everyday things kept me busy. But the truth of the matter is, I just lost the motivation to blog. Eversince I moved to Oklahoma and started working in my dream job, things just piled up. But that’s not the point of this entry. You guys and most importantly, God deserve nothing less than my all. So with that, I’d like to say I’m sorry…

I’m sorry because I didn’t hold on to the passion I had just a couple of months back. I remember lapping up live streaming of Christian conferences like Catalyst, Cultivate, One Conference, etc. I felt so pumped and ready to go out and change the world. I would be researching on latest technologies and try to come up with ideas to use it for the church. I would listen to podcasts of Christian leaders regularly. I would get up at freakin’ 6 in the morning, just to start my day with Bible time. I’m sorry that I got so caught up with moving to a new state and all the emotions in dealing with the move. I had been so caught up with working in the Church when I should be working FOR the Church. In classic Martha move, I got caught up with what I can do for God instead of asking Him to empower me to do His work.

I’m sorry for not keeping it real. Not that I had been living falsely but I keep thinking of what other Christians would like me to be instead of asking my Creator what He would like me to be. I had this notion that being in ministry and essentially a spiritual leader that I should be perfect. I should come up with all the ministry solutions. I should be this lovey-dovey, cheesy, kumbaya, let’s-get-along person. I should not cuss or drink or be sad. But the truth of the matter is, I’m human and far from perfect. I struggle with sins of pride and selfishness most of the time. I’m sorry because I should be the “me” that God created me to be and let Him refine me to what He wants me to become. I sincerely believe He doesn’t make mistakes so who I am right now (background, upbringing, experience, character, quirks and all that jazz) has been divinely orchestrated to serve His purpose.

I’m sorry because I momentarily forgot why I decided to work in full-time ministry. And that reason can be summed up in one word: LOVE. Christ’s love, to be specific. I have been so taken at how much Jesus loves the world and felt very passionate in wanting the world to know that. I don’t really give a crap about religion, ideologies and legalism. I believe that God wants everyone to have a relationship with Him – pure and unadulterated. He loves us THAT much, no matter what we’ve done or what we’ve been through. If only people can wrap their heads around that, then I don’t see how they can reject a Savior who died for them. I wrote this entry last year that pretty much sums it up. You can go ahead and check it out if you have time.

And last but not the least, I’m sorry because God deserves all of me. And you do too. When I signed up for this, I signed up for everything. But for the past few weeks, I’ve just been caught up with myself and the things I’m going through. I’ve allowed myself to be discouraged and tossed around. Not anymore. Craig hit the nail on the head when he said in an AllStaff event “I want people working here to wake up thinking how can I rob hell today?” It’s a life and death situation every single day. I’m sorry I lost that sense of urgency.

I’m sorry this has been a long drawn-out entry but I feel like it’s long overdue.