Another Year

I just turned 29 exactly 12 days ago. Yeah it hasn’t sunk in yet. I’m in the last leg of officially being called a twenty-something.

But before you roll your eyes and tell me to wait until I get to my thirties, I’d like to reflect on  Year 28. Besides, it’s my blog, I can type what I want to… 😉

Calling it a roller coaster ride is one hell of an understatement. Not that it beat 2008 in the level of sucky-ness. But it is indeed a class of its own.

I started the year venturing out on my own to the wonderful state of Oklahoma. Yes everyone thought I was crazy. If you want to know more, this past blog post pretty much sums it up. Sometimes I wished I listened to friends telling me how I wouldn’t survive. But if you know me well, the best way to get me to do something is to tell me I couldn’t do it.

It would be convenient to blame culture shock but I don’t think that’s completely it. It was more of a lot of things happening at once that my brain couldn’t process really well. New job. New ministry. New people. New environment. New responsibilities. A lot of new things. While this isn’t something I haven’t gone through before, at this point, I was alone. All of my support system is in Miami or Manila.

I knew I should’ve turned to God more, read the Bible more or prayed harder. I let this new environment get the best of me. I worked myself to complete burn out. Yeah, it wasn’t a pretty sight. Looking back, I should’ve said no to some things, slowed down when I didn’t feel like it and just breathe a little. Tsss… always the overachiever.

It was a huge blow when it became clear that the job I moved to OKC for was not working out. It not only made me question my skills and abilities. It also shook the foundations of my identity which was anchored a lot on my faith. I almost lost it… but the one awesome thing about God, time and time again in my life, when I’m ready to walk away, He never lets me go.

While I overcame that huge hurdle in my spiritual life, I can’t seem to overcome my psychological one. I tried to cure it with huge doses of travel. And it works to a certain extent. As you can read from my travel blog, the highs of travel in 2012 almost exceeded the lows of that year. I’ve gone to the places I’ve only dreamed about – Ibiza, Stonehenge, Rome, Chianti, Monaco, Berlin, Australia.. and the list goes on. I’ve seen things, met new people, started to see that the world is big after all.

I think when we’re going through something we tend to have a myopic view on things. We get so caught up with situation that we forget there’s still a world out there outside of the players and environment we find ourselves in. All the things that I was experiencing at that time were only a minute thing in time and space. There’s so much more out there.

Ended the year in the company of people who love and care about me. I think I forget that there are people who are thousands of miles away who genuinely values me as a friend, who are cheering me on to greater heights and who are going to be there when I feel the world has turned its back on me. I just have to remind myself sometimes.

So what’s in store for me in 2013? Who the f*ck knows?

I thought I got everything figured out. I still don’t get why I’m in Oklahoma. So during days where I feel uncertain, I go back to the one thing I’m sure of.

I’m a 101% sure God brought me here. And His Word says He “works for the good of those who trusts Him, who have been called according to His purpose.” So if He is good, He wouldn’t bring me to somewhere bad.

A friend brought up a good point one day. He said, if God told you that you would move to Oklahoma for your “dream job”, only for it not to work out after a few months, go traveling around the world TWICE and go back to land another job you love – would you still pack up your bags and leave Miami?

Pretty good point.

I know I need to bounce back. To brush myself off and try again. To give it my all. If it’s not a “HELL YES!” then I have no business starting it. No more compromising. No more hiding. Shiz just got real. And I know I have fight in me. I just need to unleash it sometimes.

Thank You Lord for the year that was. I got so much blessings despite the circumstances. I can’t complain because I know You got it. Everything’s under Your control. I lift up to you this year. Can’t wait to see what You have in store for me. I pray that You will prepare me to take on whatever it is. Give me the mental, physical, psychological and spiritual acuity to be able to see it through. My hope resides in You.